musings from a couch potato

Even though the cashier in my hospital’s cafeteria constantly assumes I’m a medical student, I can’t deny I’m finally catching up with chronological age. Just this week, instead of updating my scanty fall wardrobe collection with my paycheck, I saved the money for fleece blankets from RiteAid. Then as I was walking down the street today, I saw all these kids in their cute Halloween get-ups and wondered if I’m ever going to have one of my own (whom I will never, ever allow to dress as Hannah Montana or Britney, por favor!). I sometimes envy my attendings or co-residents with their left fourth digit rocks not because I want to get married now but because I want to think that I someday would. And I spent my off day from work vacuuming, doing laundry, paying my bills, and making sure I have enough soap bars and tissue rolls. I have to admit, growing up is hard to do.

I’m reaching my one-month mark as a peds intern. It’s been a challenge
moving into my apartment, opening bank and internet accounts, and
adjusting to a new work environment. (Weird, but I sometimes miss the
sloooowww PGH lab secretary). But I guess one of the things I think
about everyday is if I’m comprehensible. I’ve always prided myself in
constantly trying to better my English skills. I’ve read novels
voraciously and I love the illustrated ‘Elements of Style.’ But
whenever someone asks me, "Hey, you have an accent. Where are you
from?" I can’t help but wonder if they understood what I just said.
(I certainly hope so! I pity the patient I’m endorsing). Plus, I’m
trying really hard to learn Spanish because it’s such a rate-limiting
step looking for a translator when I’m with Hispanic patients who only
speak Spanish. Just when I think I’m getting better at speaking
Spanish, I hear Thalia on YouTube and I realize I haven’t been
pronouncing things correctly. And when I think of how I speak Filipino,
I’m a bit dismayed to realize I can’t complete a 7-sentence paragraph
in pure Tagalog. Well, at least I can still curse in Pangasinan…

Lauren, Whitney, even Spencer!! The Hills is back with its episode
entitled Paris Changes Everything. My
days of voyeuristic living are back. Towards the end of the show, my favorite Hills person Whitney said that it’s
weird how a few days in
Pariscan change you. But I think that spending time in any foreign land can change
you. So to this I say- its funny how a few days in Ohio changed me! I’ve gone on vacation in
other countries before and the two trips that changed me most were my Contiki
Tour of Europe (my oh my!) and my recent trip
to the States. It’s like I emerged from the cocoon of attending medical school
and reviewing for my MLE’s out into an adventure where I have to be resourceful
because my parents won’t be there to bail me out. I stayed with relatives and
my parents’ friends whom I’ve never met before. I booked Greyhound bus
trips and AA flights to places where I prayed that my pre-booked cabbie would
be there waiting to take me to the hotel. And wherever I was in New York City, I made it a
point to go to St. Patrick’s after every interview to pray for a successful
match. My recent trip changed me because I felt that I put everything into this
goal of becoming an intern and that failure was not an option. Now I feel as if
my life is in suspended animation until June comes. In the meantime, I await the
future that I so wholeheartedly sought.

     One of my favorite blogs is “The Dilbert Blog” by Scott Adams (www.dilbertblog.typepad.com). In one of his entries, he talked about mental age. He felt like his mental age was forty-two even when he was only fifteen.  I’m turning twenty-eight this year. But I believe my mental age is twenty-two (or a tween, according to my sister). I still love watching Nickelodeon and the Disney Channel. My attitude towards romance or finding a partner is that of one in her early twenties with nary a thought about her diminishing viable ova. I still even read young adult fiction. So everytime I see my peers getting married or having kids, it seems surreal to me. I can’t believe my nostalgia for

Beverly Hills

90210 while I still watch out for episodes of Gossip Girl. Maybe the only manifestation that I am in my late twenties is that now, I know that I actually know pretty much nothing.

Last Valentine’s Day, I was asked by my parents to tag along with them for a buffet dinner here in Dagupan. I was apprehensive because I didn’t want to be a third wheel. When I told them this, they laughed at me. Apparently, Valentine’s Day in

Dagupan

City

is a family affair. True enough, when we arrived at the restaurant, couples, grandparents, and kids were all enjoying the dinner buffet. Instead of pandering only to the couples, the heavily commercial activity that is February 14 has catered to the unhitched as well. I’m so proud of the profit margin my city must have made during this day. Frank Sinatra’s music can be heard on the street (although in the street near our house, ‘My Heart Will Go On’ was playing-totally cringeworthy).  Open parking lots had disco lights and Monobloc tables and chairs and of course, buffet courses. The usual semi-loathing I felt for this day when I was in

Manila

turned into a sense of community participation.  Really, there’s no place like my home(town).

      Now that I am home sweet home, I’ve been missing a few things in America. I miss the California weather because it’s cold but not freezing. Thank God my dad bought an industrial fan so we don’t have to sweat like pigs here in Dagupan. I also miss my daily Colbert Report!  I discovered with much dismay that Jack TV no longer seems to be available here. I can’t even watch The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Since I’m the only bum among my PGH resident friends, I have no one to talk to during the day. So, I miss my unlimited AT&T calls with my fellow AT&T subscriber friends and relatives. But of course, nothing beats being at home. I wake up to the sound of birds a-chirpin’. My parents are here to make fun of me everyday. I so enjoy being at home I haven’t gone out since I arrived in Pangasinan. I hope Globe also gives an unlimited minutes promo so I can pester random people.

My friend Mae came up with this phrase when we were in college. It’s what you use when you believe that you got a bargain but then actually end up feeling you got cheated. You go into a McDonald’s and think, a burger for 20 bucks? Great! Then when you taste it you realize all you got was starchy crap. I went to Walgreens to buy an artificial sweetener. I saw one made by the store itself. A hundred sachets for 99 cents. Then every coffee I drank with this sweetener tasted like I poured pee into it. (Not that I know how pee tastes like). During my interviews for residency matching, one of the doctors from my first interview told me that I was a “good, average, solid candidate.” I then remembered my Burger McDo moments in med school. All those times I thought I was doing myself a favor by not “overexerting.” And so I ended up as being just a solid, average candidate. When you’re actually trying to convince others that you are good enough or even better than the droves who have come from all over the world trying to get a position, it’s best to remember those moments when you tried to be stellar. So aside from resolving to be a diva spinster, I’m also going to be a diva intern wannabe. I’ll try to minimize the Burger McDo moments, even if in the US, 99 cents is 40 friggin’ pesos.

  Lately I’ve begun to accept the high probability that I will be a diva spinster. Going to a foreign land didn’t increase my chances of finding an activity partner so I must wrap my head around this possibility. I don’t feel sorry for myself though. I like doing my own stuff in my own time anyway. However, tonight I was left home alone because my auntie had to go on duty. I was reminded of a 30 Rock episode where Liz realized that staying single forever might mean that if she choked, no one would be there to do the Heimlich. So I could be a diva spinster with my fabulous Isaac Mizrahi for Target clothes and have a heart attack and die because no one is going to bring me to the ER. I therefore conclude I must start looking for the smartest dog on the planet, one that could call and talk to a 911 operator.

I’ve been feeling a little homesick lately so I’ve decided to think about what I’ve been enjoying here in the States. Number 1 on the list is wireless internet in every home I go to. Thank God I brought my laptop so I can catch up with House episodes. Also, my usually frizzy hair behaves in American weather. Goodbye, icky hair cream! And of course, I shouldn’t forget to mention how I love, love, love Target. Hungry? Go to Target. Want new make-up? Go to Target. Kai’s luggage compression bags? Target! I can’t believe I’m saying this but I actually miss the public transpo in Manila. I can’t go anywhere here without a car. At least in Manila there’s a jeep in every crevice to take you wherever you wanna go. And I miss my friends (mar!anj!gweny!). And Dagupan City! So it all goes back to my number one thing. Thank God for wireless internet. At least I can YM, email, multiply, and chikka text my family and friends. Oh, one last thing I love about being here. I can wear cute sweaters and coats without looking like a "trying hard" dork.

   A couple of weekends ago my friend Kat, her aunt, and I went to a convalescent facility where senior citizens undergo rehabilitation prior to going home. They have to stay there because they have to do physical therapy. Some of them don’t have people that can tend to their needs 24/7 so it’s better for them to just be there where there are nurses that can help them. It was great to see that despite their circumstances, the patients were still grateful for what they have going on in their lives. Some of them are even pretty upbeat and no one was a miser. Hence, I’ve thought about what I’m thankful for. These are my 3 favorite things in my daily routine that I thank God for:

1. hot showers- given that I’m in CA, the weather is already cold for me. I’m probably the only one here wearing a trench coat at home.

2. exercise- I have full range of motion of all my limbs!!

3. YM, email, chikka- I’ve never used these tools as much as I do now. I miss my mommy! L

   Of course 2/3 of the nurses there were Filipino. Isn’t it great that our most valuable national resource is still brainy manpower? My take home one-liner from the whole experience came from a patient (the only one that would qualify as a semi-miser): “Fecal matter happens.”

   Oh yes it does…